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Of Inked Memories.

He took the blue fountain in his hand scrounging for words to pen down. He had little details of her in his mind and no idea how to piece them all together; where to begin. He saw her everyday in pieces. They shared their little moments together and he wanted to note them all down forever. It seemed as if he wanted to freeze those moments and lock it in a safe, aloof from the world; so that one day, when they would be together, or so it seemed, he could turn the pages and remind her of how beautiful she looked in his eyes. Only if words could suffice!

He recalled of how cheerfully she looked at him and said “Hi!” while they crossed paths, the way she murmured a song and smiled to herself, how she smiled at other people she talked to like she genuinely cared. He knew these little details would slowly fade and new memories would stay vivid. But. He was too greedy as a matter of fact. This meant a lot to him and he couldn’t afford losing them.

Not being a fan of writing since his boyhood, he procrastinated and made faces when it comes to writing down anything that is supposed to be legible. He had a terrible handwriting.
But one day he finaly mustered all his might and sat down with a pen and a dairy and embarked on a journey to fill the blank pages with memories manifested to ink.

Of Unexpected Tales

A friend request seemed fascinating that day. She couldn’t recognise the person in the display picture but her pupils dilated at the very sight of the cover photo. She kept staring at it, trying to unriddle what it meant. She couldn’t. She couldn’t also resist the urge to accept the request. May be only he knows the answer to it! So, there it was. Another person added to that long list of other people. Who knew he was not just someone. Something magical was about to happen in a very short span of time.

Their conversation wasn’t just like any other. It began with solving the cover photo and slowly proceeded to likes and dislikes then it unravelled the secrets of the winter mornings and how they loved watching the sun turning crimson red. They weren’t all the same, true. She liked sunrises and his heart skipped a beat at the sight of those beautiful sunsets. She liked those chips packets full of calories and he didn’t. He was a foodie and she was just a human being living on food. He was a patient listener and she could go chatty for the whole day (just infront of him). There were differences, for sure. But what made them get along so well was, their thoughts were parallel, not intersecting or colliding with each other but just going their own ways in the same direction.

Weeks passed, and she knew if she continued talking, she would never be able to return. This was scary for her. She had never felt this way for anyone.
What mattered was she was happy and she wouldn’t mind risking it. Her guts were positive. He had his share of past, though. But, with this girl, he particularly had something. Something that no words could fathom. He made her feel so comfortable around him, like the beach wouldn’t mind the breeze, the sun wouldn’t mind the rain, the flowers wouldn’t mind the bee. She knew this was something. That, she wasn’t supposed to be afraid anymore because that someone she spent the twenty years of her life waiting for to come around, was right infront of her.

She liked impromptu. She plans, she visualises but she knew deep in her heart that the best thing that could happen to anybody was when you do something out of sudden urges. She texted him, “I love you” one day. Then and there, both of them closed their eyes and blushed. He knew he had to hold on to her and she knew she couldn’t let go of him. Her first confession it was, after all! He couldn’t wait but get her a rose. “Those little things he does!”, she thought. Well, the little things weren’t little anymore. Destiny sure had some plans. He had had two relationships before but it was his first rose that he gave a girl. That cannot be just some coincidence, right?

Both of them were falling. The gravity was slowly pulling the two of them closer, not towards itself but towards each other. The sunrises and the sunsets were meant to meet each other, as if. The breeze and the sand were meant to form small droplets of water, as if. After all, the most beautiful stories are created when you least expect them to.

Of Never.

She switched on the coffee maker and fancied how many of those people out there would have a gas stove, let alone a coffee maker. She made the coffee and poured it in a big mug and sat in her plushy couch. She was a well-educated woman with an identity of her own. She was strong, decisive and resolved. But, somewhere she lacked. What was it?

She gazed at the watch and calculated the time left for her husband to return. The more she heard the clock ticking, the faster her heart beat. She was scared to go to those rooms with white walls and white bedsheets and have the doctors decide the fate of the little one growing inside of her. And, she knew her baby was, too.

The door knocked. She could feel her heart thumping. She wanted to hold those little fingers of her baby and tell her that everything is gonna be okay. She wanted to pat her baby on the head and tell that she’s gonna have to stop being afraid. And, there, inside the little one was beginning to get scared, couldn’t know where that weird sound came from. Was the mother in danger? Was my mother scared? 

The door opened and a postman paid a visit. She was relieved that it was not her husband. She kept the envelope and closed the door. It was from a company. Her appointment letter. And all of a sudden, it was time for her to let the baby feel safe. That she would do anything for her baby to keep her alive and not let some reports decide if the baby should live. She went upstairs, packed the immediate stuffs she could fetch. And spoke to her baby for the one last time before making that elope. “You don’t have to get scared. I’m your mother and never am I going to let anything happen to you. I’ll make sure you are safe with me or without me. I am not going to let a few people’s impaired judgements decide if you were to live. I’ll take care of you even though I have to do it alone. Nobody’s ever going to harm you, my little one. Never”.

Of hers.

It was raining cats and dogs that day. She had finally been able to wake up from the bed after two days of very high fever. Had it not been for her lover, she might not have been able to put feet on the ground this sooner. But, her lover couldn’t miss work either. She had to run the office all alone.

Susan put on the coffee maker and decided on what to eat. She made up her mind for eggs. Omelette was her favourite, after all. Suddenly, a thought crossed her mind. She wanted to do something sweet for Clara to surprise her. Clara loved surprises. But, Susan was just an amateur. She drank the coffee and ate the egg and kept herself engrossed in thoughts of various kinds of surprises.

It was time for Clara to return home. Susan hadn’t thought much about it. She was still processing every other way to make it a good surprise. She thought about chocolates, lunch, cakes but everything had been done more than once. She sat in their bed. And, was feeling helpless. She started feeling sick from the stomach. “Yeah, I was waiting for you Mr. Vomit”, she thought with disgust. She ran to the bathroom and returned almost exhausted. She sat for a while, drank water and ran again. This time, even more exhausted. She was looking all messed up and dirty. This was the last thing she wanted. “The egg was a bad idea”, she thought. She ran again. This time she had no energy left to even stand up. When she returned, she saw Clara sitting on the bed and waiting for her, all worried.

“I puked. Thrice. The egg was a bad idea. I am sorry I’m such a mess”.

Clara looked at her with glowing eyes. Like, she had never seen anything more beautiful than what she looked right then. Susan’s words vanished into thin air and almost instantly Clara’s lips uttered these. “Marry me, Susan”.

Of Conversations With A Stranger (3)

“I am in love”, she said proudly.

“What?! Seriously? Who?”, her friend was curious.

“Somebody. The perfect blende of a guy a girl would desire.”

“Well, him? I thought you guys were friends.”

“Were? We still are. That’s the most important thing, don’t you think for any relationship? Friendship comes first for us. Love. It is secondary. I’m glad he’s my friend first.”

“Anything special with him?”

“Everything, infact. He would do sweet, little things for you and you would just sit back and replay them for days. He would remember everything you ever told him about. He would know you better than you know yourself. He is someone who would do anything for you before you even ask him to, just like you would want it. Someone who just wants to see you not get hurt. Somebody, for whom your comfort comes first. Do all these things, and yet not make it seem creepy. Not words. Reality. It seems like I’m talking a novel or a movie but it’s real. Even I took half a decade to believe it was actually happening. He, was actually happening to me”, she seemed lost in her own world while talking about him where she could tableau only both of them making merry.

“Woah! That’s a lot of things. So, you have finally found him? Good.”

“Nay. We have found each other”, she spoke like a poetess.

Of Conversations With A Stranger (2)

“Why are you here all alone? Got no friends or acquaintances?”, an elderly gentleman joined her as she sat gazing at the sky with earphones stuck in her ears.

“Me? I am a loner. Infact, I like it this way. This is a peaceful place and I don’t like chaos to intervene.”

“And you think people are intruders?”

“Ofcourse not. I mean, yes. But not everyone”

“Then?”

“I haven’t just met that person yet.”

“Met who?”, the man seemed curious.

“The one who will rather act as a conversationalist like me.”

“Haha. You mean your soulmate?”

“Ah. Nah. That’s too mainstream, don’t you think?”

“Mainstream? Why? What would you refer that person as then?”

“My peace-mate, most probably?”, she blushed.

The man gave an experienced grin. Like, he had known the answers to all her queries since ages.

“There’s peace only where you want it to be. Peace lies within you.”

“Oh, I see”, she seemed to have been mesmerized by his speculative thought.
“I would actually wish for one thing then”.

“Yes?”

“Somebody I can be myself with.”

“That’s exactly who we call soulmate, my dear”, he patted her head and walked away briskly. 

Of Time And Togetherness

She stood there, leaning against the balcony wondering what went wrong. How did she end up like that? How did she end up fearing commitment? So afraid that she preferred pushing people away. Umm. Why? The flickering of the street lights and the barking of the dogs seemed disturbing though. She stared down at the lonely Road. She could feel connection. She had been given and denied trust so many times, so many times had she been misunderstood and made fun of that she was in a dilemma. Sarcasm or truth? Well, isn’t sarcasm a little bit of truth put in a funny way? How was she supposed to understand the complexity of human mind? Especially, of those who she considered so dear.

But was she supposed to let her past experiences compel her not to trust? True, she has seen things, felt them and even carries bitter memories that makes her smile hopelessly when she narrates them. “How can she smile like that ?”, he often wonders. Equally broken, this guy feels a connection too. For a change, it’s like he finally found monogamy, his anchor. “No more, she’s had enough”, tells this to himself every night before going to sleep after she does. As if someone up there was waiting for them since ages to awkwardly tumble onto each other. Both discover each other’s fear every other day, they fight, they laugh, even cry. Together. Strong word. People envy them. “Won’t last”, they say.  Living life without each other so far, when they finally found each other? They decided not to live their life for people. “For us”, they smile. She fears commitment given that she has been in and out of a rollercoaster commitment ride, he on the other hand had only watched people puke and fall off the roller-coaster ride. Both have had lost faith in the idea. But what they have is something too deep to be assigned a term. People talk, people try, they even obsess themselves with her. “I think they should know  you’re not available”. Hearing just this her fears start surfacing, so does his.

Would this lead to another indefinite round of shrewd instances? Would they spend the night digging up old memories? The important question was always, would it change things? Surprisingly. It always did, changes things for better, strengthens the bond as if they are slowly becoming inseparable. Completing each other in every aspect they stand by each other when giving up was their Forte. They never knew, until they took the leap of faith. 
Feeling nippy she goes inside, closing the balcony door behind her. Putting his red-black striped hoodie she picks up her phone, types something while smiling and hits send.
“Hey”. He smiled glancing at his phone when it buzzed.

Of Moving On

Do you ever think about moving on? What does it mean? How can someone possibly trust another person after one’s trust is broken? How can they share the same secrets with someone after it has been revealed by the one person they blindly trusted? Isn’t it hard? Yet, that’s what we do. We mourn for sometime, explain ourselves and reason everything out and create trust. Create, yes. Why? How? Because we keep looking. We don’t want to lose hope. Because we believe that there is someone actually better than ourselves. Someone who will keep our trust safe, secure our secrets and understand our fears. I tell you it’s not an easy task. It needs you to muster all your strength and sanity. It requires a lion’s heart. It does. But, it’s not something one should be afraid of. Because, letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you know what you decide, how you choose to live your life is going to define you and not the person you’re moving from. So, what we do is: We ignore the past, pretending as if it was just a bad dream and we move on.

Of As Time Flies

There will come a time when all the butterflies in your stomach will start needing rest, when you will get bored of the daily phone calls and messages, when you will spend the least time to decide how to look good or maintain a good impression. This saturation point, what is it for? What about the urge to get stars for her if she wanted them? What happened to that beautiful face you , so willingly, showed off to all your friends? What about the long conversations with your best friend telling every little detail of the slightest of sweet things he did for you? What happened to that rush in your veins when you were about to meet? Doesn’t happen anymore? It’s faded, right? The chirpy, little things will start screaming the shit outta you. Ever wondered why? Probably you never fell in love in the first place.

All you ever wanted to do was live all those experiences you heard from all your friends. You wanted to see how it feels when some voice calls you early in the morning just to say Good Morning, I love you! You wanted to see what it feels like to kiss, hug and hold somebody’s hand and walk the park, when someone asks you how your day was. You wanted to know. So, yes, we can put it this way. She or he was just a part of your curiousity. An experiment.
Imagine your partner with a burnt face, a scarred soul, a dark past, an aversion to human touch, and in a place where it’s impossible for you two to talk properly even for five minutes. Imagine all the possible differences between you and your partner. All the possible hurdles that could tear you apart. Would you still give your 100%? Would you still love them? Would you still dream about you two being together, sharing the same bed? Would you..? If yes, I bet your partner is the luckiest person alive!

Of Healing

We are growing. Everyday, we are growing. Mentally, emotionally, logically and probably, a little bit physically too. But there’s a continuous growth process going on inside of use every single moment of the day. Imagine yourself two years back. Were you the same person you are today? Would it be possible to make the heart-shattering but right choices you could easily make today, then? Would you make friends with the same people?  Would you talk like you do now? Would you reason like the way you do now? Would you…?

They say time heals everything. Well, probably it does nothing actually. It just broadens your perspective to see things. Gives you a vision at a greater angle. It helps you to understand, accept and forgive. The wounds stay the same. The pains do not heal. The scar remains. Wrong choices or bad decisions. What matters is how you choose to let that in. Do you want to let go? Or hold on? You want to give up or keep going. You want to grow or stop growing altogether?