Of Knowing

She wasn’t lying. She had warned people long before they tried to get close. She had mentioned she was not easy at all. There will be times when you’ll hate her. She will cling to your thoughts and you’ll not have the slightest idea of what to do next and then you’ll hate her. And, that would be no big deal to her because she probably hates herself more than anybody else.

Every word you promise her will seem shaky and you’ll doubt your own self. You will wonder of the very unfortunate moment when you made the promise. You’ll try to reason out with her and she’ll respond in complete neutrality. No, she is not easy at all. You’ll hate every moment you spent with her and at one point of time, you’ll hate yourself for allowing yourself to tell her how much she meant to you. There will be moments when you’ll know that she’s not worthy of all the love and affection she was showered with.

She knew how difficult she was and no amount of assurance would have been able to make her love herself. She was bitter and saturated. Of what? Nobody knows. She was just afraid that one day, you’ll see her the way she sees herself.

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5 thoughts on “Of Knowing”

  1. I don’t hate nothing or nobody not even myself. I get disappointed with myself. I don’t understand myself and the decisions I make because I am not a phoney or a bad person. Yet that’s the way I present myself and it stinks. I am not the person everyone thinks I am. I don’t understand because all of this is so important to me. Its like my ego is fighting with my spirit. I beg for help I get all the help and more love than I can ask for and I still have the same problem. I can’t help to think that this whole get inside my thoughts went to far…. Or something….. Then I think I’m protected by jesus there is no way this could happen. Its me my fault. Guys and gals….. I wish you understood me. I wish you could continue to stick behind me. I thank u and everyone else who has stood beside me when no body did. All this from the bottom of my heart. I want to accept the love I want to continue to feel the love. It comes from jesus through the unseen people. Thats what keeps me going. At the same time…. I don’t blame any of you for giving up on me and thinking what you think of me. I reap what I sow.

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